Note to the Grieving from a (Sometimes Well-Meaning) Jerk

Dear grieving friend:

This is terribly awkward, and I’m not sure what to say, but social rules demand that I say something. So here goes nothing!

Sorry about your loved one. I know exactly what you’re going through. When we lost our pet turtle last year, it was the most traumatic three hours of my life. I cried a lot. I couldn’t eat or sleep. But be encouraged! I got over it, and I know that you will do the same.

Don’t let me minimize your loss, though. It’s hard to lose somebody. I should know. I’ve lost a lot of people. My great-great grandmother died when I was a baby, and I never really got to know her, which is a great loss to me. She sure would have been proud of the person that I’ve become. I mean, just look at me! I’m pretty great, wouldn’t you say?

Somedays will be hard, but cheer up! Life goes on. You’ll feel differently about this after some a while. After all, time heals all wounds. Your loss might seem catastrophic today, but someday you’ll look back and wonder why you were so broken up over this. Maybe you’ll even laugh at how ridiculous you’re acting. You really need to get yourself together. Fake it ’til you make it!

[ctt title=”Chin up, buttercup! Life goes on.” tweet=”Chin up, buttercup! Life goes on.” coverup=”13M7t”]

Don’t think I’m getting down on you. We all still love you. It’s just… well… we just really wish you’d just get on with your life. You can’t go on grieving like this forever. It’s embarrassing when you cry in front of us. I know that we are all embarrassed for you, though it seems that you aren’t even self-aware enough to be embarrassed for yourself. I never cried like that when I lost my loved one. I went to work the afternoon of the funeral.

I don’t understand why you’re taking this so hard. Death is just a part of life. It happens to everyone. Heck, it’ll happen to you someday, and probably sooner than you think.

Put on that happy face! You’re prettier when you smile anyway, and also much more fun to be around. I know that Jesus said that we should mourn with those who are mourning, but that’s not any fun. We probably shouldn’t hang out until you are doing better. I’m not really the crying type.

Things will get better. Just you wait and see.

Whenever you feel like acting like a self-respecting human being again, hit me up. I’d love to spend time with my old friend, just like old times. No more tears, buddy. Grow up.

It’s fine that you’re grieving and all, and I’m here for you, so long as you can keep it together. Don’t make it weird.

Warmest regards.


Seriously, don’t be this guy.

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